I Listen... and I Learn

On my way home tonight, I began to think that I am closer to Jesus than ever I have been.  That got me to thinking that I can remember times in my life some years back when I was closer to Jesus that I had ever been.  As I tried to compare the two times in my life I was astonished to find out a few things about myself.  Back in the day when I was feeling so close and comfy with my Father, I was attending on Sundays - morning and evening, I was there on Wednesdays, I was volunteering my time to check in little kids, and I was enjoyig this.  I was involved in a "home group" and I was steady in attending, in fact I even received a "perfect attendance award".  Now I am regularly in attendance on Sunday morning, I go to a ladies group on Thursday evenings, and I take my daughter to Wednesday worship.  I am a servant leader and I attend a "Life Goup".  The real difference I think is that though the steps remain similar, the intention with which I take each step is different. 

On the first go around I did what I did because my peers expected it of me and I just assusumed it was the right thing to do.  This time, I struggled.  I wanted to serve, and I wanted to be a part of things, but I had no intention of leading anyone anywhere.  I felt ill-equipped to lead others.  But here I am.  I have often heard the term used that someone was "called" to serve, or "called" to preach.  I have NEVER understood what this meant until NOW!  I will admit, the phone did not ring, and there was no ominous voice at the other end saying, "Hey, you!  Go do something for me.  Go lead those people...  DO IT!"  Instead what I heard in my Spirit was, "you can do this...  I will equip you...  I will not forget about you and leave you out there...  I will show you what I want you to do...  I will only ask you to do what I know you can do...  and I will be right here to guide you and if you need to squeeze my hand when you get scared you can and I will squeeze back so you can feel my presence!" 

He kept repeating himself to me, over and over, more loudly and more clearly until one day I said OK, I gave myself over to HIM to do what he wanted me to do.  I am now so grateful that HE did not give up on me, because now I am closer to him, not because I serve, but because I have learned to LISTEN to HIM.  And I have also learned that my time with my Father is a constant conversation.  I talk to HIM just as if he was sittin' right next to me.  I talk to him in the car, in the shower, at work, when I lay down for the night, and any time I feel a God Breeze.  I call it a God Breeze when I think it is HE who starts the conversation.  I have learned to listen to HIM and wait for HIM.  HE never lets me down.  HE tells me to wait and HE tells me no sometimes, but he always listens and always responds.  I know now what it means to be close to JESUS.  It is simply divine!