The Difference

It is funny how things change over time.  I remember when just two short years ago, I had to take my son to the "neutral meeting spot" to drop him off, hand him over if you will, to his father.  That day was a very somber day.  I cried every day leading up to that day for at least a week and I cried every day after that day for probably six months.  When I dropped him off, he looked like such a little fellow.  Barely to my chin, he was still small.  His face was so boyish.  I remember wondering how I would live another day.  I remember wanting to just melt away.  I had spent his whole life making sure this would not happen.  And here it was, happening...  I was a wreck.  God had a plan for me.  You see I was not surrendering my whole life to HIM.  I would hand over little pieces, then take it all back...  God was going to use this tremendous hurt to bring me to my knees.  Fast forward two years...  I am still on my knees.  My son has out grown me by at least six inches, and where once he had a baby face there is now the features of a young man.  

What is the difference??  The difference is that today I am on my knees willingly - asking HIM to be in control of it all.  I am there grateful to have such a good GOD that I can come to HIM and lay my son at the alter.  I can say "OK GOD Your will be done."  And though I may not get what I have been praying for - for such a long time - I know that HE will give me what HE needs me to have.  I have learned that it is not just in the hard times that HE calls us to turn to him, it is in the everyday!  So every day I turn my family, my job, my life over to GOD and just as he reminds me occasionally that HE has this...  and each day it seems that he sends me a little GOD BREEZE so that I know HE is steadfastly in control...  Maybe someday I will get to make that drive back to the "neutral meeting spot" to pick up my son and bring him home for good - but until that day I will just keep praising HIS name and giving HIM all the glory...  it has never been anyone's but HIS from the very first day...