Sometimes it just feels so right...

It is not every day that I get to spend time with my son.  Mostly just on weekends, and mostly just a little bit of time here and there.  Tonight as I was driving home with him in the car, I was struck with how easily the conversation flowed.  There were moments, sometimes long moments, of silence, but in general it was just so easy to talk to him and listen to him.  I find myself smiling when he starts talking...  Sometimes he doesnt even realize that he has been jabbering away for half an hour without coming up for a breath.  Other times he is as silent as he can be, just rolling his eyes at me, his mother.  I also find that there are times when all the rest of the house has gone to bed and in the quite and stillness of the house, he and I will sit up chatting, he asks me questions like "how do I get this guy at school to leave me alone" and "how do I get my ex-girlfriend to want to get back with me"?  It is these times that I must say it is such an honor to be his mom.  I am so happy to be able to be someone he can come to and ask questions.  I am so blessed that God chose me to be my son's mom.  I enjoy answering his questions, and hearing things like "Mom, you just dont know how hard school is these days!" and he is right.  School and peer pressure are probably harder today than  they were when I was a teenager, but then again, I am sure it felt just as hard to me then as it does to him now.  I try to give him good advise, and mostly I just try to listen.  I try to hear his heart to make sure he knows how much he is loved and how I would do just about anything for him.  I hear his struggles, and I am thankful that all the years of loving him, and building a foundation for him, it is paying off.  I know he is seeking Christ's guidance when he remembers to.  I wish he remembered more often, but I will allow God to be the one to make that change in my son.  I have raised him well, and I believe that with all of my heart.  I do not agree with his decisions, or the way he acts sometimes, but in the emulance of Jesus, I still give him Mercy and Grace just as the SON has given them to me.  Tonight, as my son was getting ready to go to bed, he walked into the office and without provication, he said, "G-night Mother, love you."  Sometimes it just feels so right to be his mom...

Hiding HIS words in my heart...

Memorizing is not something I am good at.  My daughter, however, is amazing.  She has recently taken to memorizing Bible Verses - not just the verse but usually the verses before and after so that it is in context and it "makes sense" to her.  Oh how I envy her (not in the Cardinal Sin kind of way just a little green around the edges).  I have never had an easy time of that.  Now I understand and can tell you the summary of the verse and how it applies, but to actually memorize and be able to recite chapter and verse - that just blows my mind. 

Though I have been one of God's chosen since I was quite young, I never really studied my Bible, never had an interest, but in the last 10 years or so I have become interested.  Recently my interest has been even greater.  At church we have been going through Ephesians, and I love it, I finally know where to go when reminding my kids that they are supposed to "honor (read: MIND) their father and mother..." It is in there, really it is and my teenage son, well he thought I was joking until I read it to him and pointed it out.  I love that all the answers to lifes questions are right there contained in the pages of HIS words.  How great is that!!  I do however wish I had a slightly more exhaustive concordance at times.  I know I have his words hidden in my heart somewhere, I just think I may have hidden them so well, I cant even find them myself...

I Listen... and I Learn

On my way home tonight, I began to think that I am closer to Jesus than ever I have been.  That got me to thinking that I can remember times in my life some years back when I was closer to Jesus that I had ever been.  As I tried to compare the two times in my life I was astonished to find out a few things about myself.  Back in the day when I was feeling so close and comfy with my Father, I was attending on Sundays - morning and evening, I was there on Wednesdays, I was volunteering my time to check in little kids, and I was enjoyig this.  I was involved in a "home group" and I was steady in attending, in fact I even received a "perfect attendance award".  Now I am regularly in attendance on Sunday morning, I go to a ladies group on Thursday evenings, and I take my daughter to Wednesday worship.  I am a servant leader and I attend a "Life Goup".  The real difference I think is that though the steps remain similar, the intention with which I take each step is different. 

On the first go around I did what I did because my peers expected it of me and I just assusumed it was the right thing to do.  This time, I struggled.  I wanted to serve, and I wanted to be a part of things, but I had no intention of leading anyone anywhere.  I felt ill-equipped to lead others.  But here I am.  I have often heard the term used that someone was "called" to serve, or "called" to preach.  I have NEVER understood what this meant until NOW!  I will admit, the phone did not ring, and there was no ominous voice at the other end saying, "Hey, you!  Go do something for me.  Go lead those people...  DO IT!"  Instead what I heard in my Spirit was, "you can do this...  I will equip you...  I will not forget about you and leave you out there...  I will show you what I want you to do...  I will only ask you to do what I know you can do...  and I will be right here to guide you and if you need to squeeze my hand when you get scared you can and I will squeeze back so you can feel my presence!" 

He kept repeating himself to me, over and over, more loudly and more clearly until one day I said OK, I gave myself over to HIM to do what he wanted me to do.  I am now so grateful that HE did not give up on me, because now I am closer to him, not because I serve, but because I have learned to LISTEN to HIM.  And I have also learned that my time with my Father is a constant conversation.  I talk to HIM just as if he was sittin' right next to me.  I talk to him in the car, in the shower, at work, when I lay down for the night, and any time I feel a God Breeze.  I call it a God Breeze when I think it is HE who starts the conversation.  I have learned to listen to HIM and wait for HIM.  HE never lets me down.  HE tells me to wait and HE tells me no sometimes, but he always listens and always responds.  I know now what it means to be close to JESUS.  It is simply divine! 

Tired, but restored!

As I sit here today I am not sure how I feel.  I am worn down mentally, and feel pulled in way too many directions.  I have deadlines at home, at work, and at church.  It seems there is always something popping up to zap my energy and my money.  I have a schedule that is pretty set, but can be flexible if needed.  I am thankful for that as it keeps me moving.  But today – right now, I am just not feelin' it.  I want nothing more than to go home and take a nap, one that when I wake up, it will be Friday.  I want to have the energy to spend time on exercise, and I want the motivation to do it when I do have the time, I want to look good and feel good and just BE.  I know this is merely a season, and if I am lucky it will be but a few days long – I know that the things going on around me are beginning to take their toll.  I just have to turn to The Father, and ask him to carry me for a day or two.  I feel like I just need a short respite.  He is the only one who can provide.  I know HE will provide, I just have to ask.  My respite might be only for a day but HE knows how long I need and when I need it, so I will just keep walking down this path, the one HE is ordering for me.  I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and though I may stumble and fall from time to time, HE will lift me up, HE will brush me off, and HE will cleanse my skinned knees.  HE will attend to my every need – and HE will do it in HIS time.  HIS time is a mystery to me.  Oh how I long to have an understanding of HIS clock.  But instead, I will just keep walking.  I can see a light on the path in front of me, and it lights up just a step or two.  The rest – the things that scare me that are all around me, they are shrouded in darkness, because HE knows I need to focus on the light, not see what is in the darkness.  I can hear the awful noises and screams in the darkness, but I can also hear my Father's voice reminding me that this world is temporary – and he is in control.  I can hear HIM tell me that he has a path for me and if I just keep following the light, all of the darkness will only follow me but not get in front of me as they know that the light I see is from HIM.  Even they know that HE is all powerful and all seeing.  They know they must not cross HIM because he has a legion of Angels to protect me.  As I remember this, I realize – the sounds in the darkness that are so scary to me, are but the sounds of the Angels, HIS Angels, warring for me.  They are fighting for me so that I can just keep walking into the light that HE has provided.  I can now take comfort in the awful sounds behind me, because I know that is the sound of HIS victory over the darkness.  I know that HIS victory is my victory because he shares it with me.  Just knowing this gives me energy, energy to finish this day.  This gives me energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I just keep looking into the light of the path before me.  I don't question the path, HIS path, I just keep following it.  And I know, just as I know that JESUS is the one TRUE GOD, that this path leads to only one place, it leads to HIM.  One day when my path comes to and end and the darkness is lifted because my race here is over and only light surrounds me, I just hope to hear from HIM – "Well done my good and faithful servant, Well Done!  Come in, I have been waiting for you, and I am so happy to see you!"  Until that day is here, I will just keep walking, one foot in front of the other, concentrating on the light, and knowing that HE is in control.

My heart mourns for a stranger...

It surprises me how much my heart mourns for a stranger.

I, like so many others, have Facebook. I have used it to pass the time, to connect to old friends, to connect to old acquaintenances (not sure I spelled that one right and pretty sure I dont care), and keep up with what is going on with current friends when I dont take the time to stay in touch... yes you read that right, I am admitting that I dont take the time to be a better friend... but at least I accept this. This morning on my way to work, while stopped at the light nearest the highway, I looked at the Facebook application on my phone to read the latest.

I read about fish for adoption, crops that need fertilizing, and other general comments. Then I read the comment that broke my heart. A high-school friend of mine that I follow only on Facebook had updated her status. This friend was mourning and rejoicing at the same time, you see her good friend, perhaps her best friend, had gone to live with Jesus. I did not know this person, but through Facebook and through my old friend's page, I learned about this amazing woman. She was Mom, Wife and most of all she loves JESUS!! I say that she "loves" instead of she "loved" because I believe she gets to love him in the present and in the forever in a very real and intimate way. I dont know her, but I call her a sister because she loves JESUS as do I. I mourn for her child and her husband, as I think how horribly painful it must be for them, and it makes me so thankful, even more thankful than I am already for my perfectly imperfect family. I am so thankful for my Hubby, and my Kids. Without them I dont know if I could make myself breathe another breath.

And so my heart mourns for a stranger...

Three Legged Stools...

I am a leader at my church. I have to send out a weekly reminder to the servants on the team we serve on. I try each week to share a little of myself with them so that they can get to know me better and in return they will occasionally send me little bits about themselves. Last week this was my "self-offering"...


The last week has been a week of revelations for me in my life. I realized that through the course of my childhood and young-adulthood, I have had three things holding me back from experiencing the true love and acceptance of JESUS! I will not go into what those three things were, but I will liken them to the legs on a stool, each cut a different length so that as I tried to balance my life and sit upon that stool, it would be very rocky and I would fall time and time again. The good news is that I now have another three-legged stool and this one is built on THE FATHER, THE SON, and THE HOLY SPIRIT... Each leg is perfectly formed and may take on a different look - but each one is the same length and the same strength, and it makes for a wonderful foundation of dependability to sit upon... I sat on a trinity of pain and frustration before I renewed my trust in the LORD and now I sit on THE TRINITY of the ONE TRUE GOD!! Praise be his name!

To blog or not to blog... I know - so CHEESY

I have been struggeling with whether or not I should blog for some time now. I guess I always thought that I would have to commit to blogging every day or at least very frequently, but I guess I have decided that I will just do what I do and be happy with that.

I chose Faith in the Reflection as the name of my blog for several reasons. First and formost, I am a Believer in Jesus Christ cleverly disguised as a wife, mom, and friend. Second - each day I strive to live a Faith Filled life. I know this is not a profound thing, but it has become my mission. Because of this, recently I was given the best compliment I think I have even had from a very unlikely source, and it reminded me that my goal is realized on most days. Finally, when I look in the mirror each day I see a Child of God, and my faith is there - in the reflection...

Welcome to my thoughts, fears, joy, and everything else...

Come on in a sit awhile!