God in the "No"

Have you ever had one of those THINGS happen - the kind of thing that makes you stop and scratch your head and wonder? You might even ask yourself why?  That happened to me tonight.  I received a series of strange text messages followed by a call from a person from my past wondering "where can I come up with $900"...  I have to wonder if this was one of those passive ways of asking if they could borrow the money.  Of course my first thought is to want to help - but this person is not someone who can be helped.  This person doesn't do well with help - this person does better with hand-outs.  I cannot hand-out to this person.  I have a family to think of. 

I woke my husband up from sleep to let him know what had occured.  We are in agreement - and that feels great.  We cannot help with money - but we will help with prayer.  So if you are one of the very few that follow this blog - please pray for this person - God knows their name.  Just pray for them - and for us.

Sometimes I even see God in the "no".

God in the Excitement

My child will be getting baptized in a week.  I am so excited for her.  She is so special.  I am blessed.  She wants to be baptized so that others know where she stands with Christ.  She blows me away. 

Jesus thank you for letting me help you to raise my children. 

God in... Our Story

Recently I was asked to write about God in my marriage.  About how we live and function as a couple in Christ.  Below was my submission - it took a while for me to write it, I can be verbose...  and for my friends that are laughing that last little remark...  Anyway, I wanted our story to read as real but not go on forever...  This is what I came up with .  For those of you that might be reading my blog I hope you are able to learn something about me, and if you already know this story because you are one of those LifeGroupies, or friends...  then I owe you a hearty THANK YOU for loving us in our life and praying for our circumstances. 

I offer this to you all...

Our Story



When we met, we had no idea that God was going to take us on a journey that would involve our hearts, our finances and my husband’s eternal salvation.


When I met CG and became friends with him, I did not know that I would eventually marry my best friend. I had a bumpy past with a couple of marriages and divorces (but I did believe in the sanctity of marriage and had Biblical permission to divorce both times… I was young and not very smart!) I found myself a single-mom of two great kids (Bradley and Chandler), with a house full of possessions and a very slim thread of faith left to sustain me. God was on my side though, and I believe it was divine intervention that caused a series of events that led me not only to my future husband, but also back to HIM.


Before CG met me, he had recently dealt with a long period of joblessness, taking care of his mother who was terminal and subsequently passed away, and after finding a new job, trying to find some enjoyment in it. He was at his limits with debt incurred while taking care of his mother before she died, and was not only unhappy in his job but it did not allow a for a steady stream of debt repayment. Then he and met me and only later did we realize this was a God thing.


We met when working at the same company and after some time, we chose to date, got serious, got engaged, and then about two years after we met, we got married. Shortly after we married, we were forced to begin a long process that involved attorneys and large sums of money, but we eventually lost. The process is what we call “The Bradley Thing”. It basically went down like this; my son was convinced he wanted to go live with his father. We were convinced that this was not a good idea, and so we fought this in court – for three long, hard, sometimes debilitating, years – and lost. During this time, we chose to go back to church. I must confess – my faith was slim as I had been through more in my adult life than I cared to recount, and my husband, CG – well let’s just say that he and Jesus were not so much on a first name basis. If I am to be totally honest, our first visits to BTBF were merely because our attorney had suggested this would look good for the courts while we were in litigation land. Little did we know, Jesus would grab a hold of us and not let us go, until we surrendered into his grace. What a sweet surrender that was – but not an easy one mind you. During this process, our first major obstacle was that my son was sent to live with his dad on temporary orders. This is when my heart broke into a million pieces, and I was too depressed to even try to pick them up. This is where I know that God was in the middle of my choice of mates and my life because for the next year as I could barely go through the motions of each day, my wonderful husband picked up all of the slack. After a year or more, I finally began to accept our new life. It was not easy and it was a constant struggle each day. During this time, when we were going to BTBF we were invited to go to a LifeGroup. We ended up attending the Gentry LifeGroup. At first we were a little hesitant to get too involved, I because I had a history of being hurt by people, and CG because he was still not so sure about these Jesus people. At one point, we went to a group meeting and our community pastor was there that night. I had been praying for CG to know Christ, and I think this night, he was formally introduced so to speak. CG asked questions, and everyone came around us to answer them, humbly, honestly. I saw a light turn on in him that night. Then we were hit with the next big bump… our financial world began to collapse.


We signed up for Financial Peace University – the Dave Ramsey Diet – I call it. During our second class meeting, we found out we were served with papers – we were being sued for outstanding credit card debt. We went back to class and tried to listen but inside we feared the worst. After some advice from friends, we created a plan. We had now hit rock bottom, not only emotionally with “The Bradley Situation” but also financially. Because our faith was growing individually and as a couple, we were able to see that God was with us in the middle of all of this. How else do you explain that we were led to clean up our mess financially and were in our second class of learning how to do so, when we got the news… we think it was a God thing. We began to work the plan, create a savings, get smarter about our money and make more educated decisions about what to do and how to live. We began to think of ways to cut our spending – from no more eating out to hanging our clothes to dry on a make-shift clothes line in the back yard to avoid using the dryer and heating up the house. CG got a second job to get us over the first big hurdle. Then, over time, we figured out even more ways to spend less and pay more on our bills realizing that it is not our money, but instead only what God has entrusted to us. By the end of the summer, we were doing pretty well. We were feeling pretty good, as our plan was working and we were working our plan. Then we faced the next hurdle. I was sick, much sicker than I thought and I ended up spending the better part of a month in the hospital…


I had been feeling not so great, but in typical “me” fashion, I had ignored the biggest symptom I had. I ignored it for months, until finally I could not ignore it any longer. In great pain and running a hefty fever, I called the doctor and after a short conversation, was told to go have a test run. That test showed that I had a problem that must be addressed right away, so I was immediately admitted to the hospital. Long story short, two surgeries, three CT Scans, one EGD, one colonoscopy, one nuclear scan and twenty-five days in the hospital later, I was released to go home. During my stay at the hospital I was reminded that God is in control. From the community of friends we have that took care of my kids and my hubby during this time, to our LifeGroup itself bringing food over to the house after I was released. There were hospital visits and phone calls, and the prayers were so thick I could FEEL them. Don’t misunderstand, I was still scared and I am sure my hubby will admit to a little fear or uncertainty, but we were in the grip of God and he was just not going to let us go so easily. I even remember one particular evening when I was feeling so lonely and I was literally crying out to God for comfort. HE sent my nurse in to comfort me and she asked if she could pray for me. I felt His hand that day. It was truly AMAZING.


Now we find ourselves on the other side of the health hurdle – mostly, I still have a few things that need to be taken care of – but for the most part I am good. And we are still fully aware that we have to center our lives on God. Pete has drawn a picture of an equilateral triangle and says that as you get closer to GOD you get closer to each other. I think for us it definitely works that way. The closer we get to God the closer we get to each other and the closer we get to each other, the closer we get to God. We are not perfect but we are exactly what God planned for us to be, and we are always seeking to be closer to HIM. We have had some rough patches and if we had let the world get in the middle of our faith – of our relationship with God – it would have been devastating to our marriage and to our faith. But because we have close relationships with other couples in our LifeGroup, friends at BTBF, and other Christian friends that we have surrounded ourselves with, it helps us to stay accountable to ourselves and reminds us to keep our hearts focused on God.


The rest is nothing more than speed-bumps.

God in the Revelation... not THAT REVELATION, just my revelation...

What a crappy revelation I had today...  I am a blamer.  Not that I must blame someone/something for every thing that is wrong with the world and more specifically, MY world - but more in a "it is all the ex-husband's fault that the child is such a heathen devil-dog hot mess!"  I "revelationed" today that acutually, it might not be the ex's fault, entirely...  It dawned on me that, for instance, my son is 15 years old and that, by definition, makes him a bit of a "stupid-teenage-boy-infected-with-numerous-strains-of-hormonal-instabilities", but it also makes him accountable for his actions, and responsible for accepting the consequences of same. 

This dawning of new information hit me today whilst I was talking to my Community Pastor, MA we will call him/her (gotta keep the identity shielded since I did not ask him/her for permission to use his/her name...).  I was describing how GOD is lighting a path in front of my son, and it is up to my son to decide...  "hummmmmm decisions, decisions - should I step onto the lighted path or will I turn from it and step into the darkness..."  This is my kiddo's opportunity to engage his free will...  (God, seriously you would give my kid free will - I know you give it to me, but I am way smarter and wiser and in general more capable...  but my kid - are you totally joking me???)  but seriously, the only reason I might be smarter, and wiser, and more capable is because I had that same (*gulp*) free will when I was his age, and I made LOADS of mistakes that were supposed to be lessons learned, some I have had to re-learn over and over, but evenually I figured it out and gained a little wisdom in the process... 

So now what?  This means I have to accept that it is not his father's fault entirely that my kid acts like a banchee from time to time, it might just be the choice the kid is choosing to make.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying his father is not potentially still a bad example and teaching him some crappy behavior, what I am saying is that given two sets of examples, one that is a perfect example of goodness and one that is a perfect example of badness, it is really up to my child to decide how he wishes to procede.  So this means I have to let his dad of the hook - at least a little - but only a little... 

This revelation causes me to think - is God thinking the same things about me.  Does he wonder if my worldly parents screwed me up - causing me to make those mistakes that led me to some points of wisdom...  HE is very likely, and well, lets face it, perfectly in fact, not thinking that at all.  He knows he gives me opportunities to walk in the path where he lights the way and I can also choose to step into the darker areas.  It is up to me.  HE is not to blame, and neither are my parents, or my teachers, or any other single person, I am solely responsible for my choices, my decisions, my failures and my fears.  GOD is just waiting for me to lift my arms and admit that I cannot do it without HIM and at that point he will carry me through. 

So...  it is not all the ex's fault.  What a crappy thing to realize.  OK - tomorrow is another day. 

GOD please keep lighting a path for my son.  I know he will not always choose to step into it, but please always just keep the light on.  I believe that evenutally he will come back to the light - he always has in the past and I pray he always will in the future.  GOD keep lighting a path for me.  I know I will not always step into the lighted part, but I know that I will always eventually realize that I am not on the right track and I will come back to you - with my arms held high, just waiting for you to lift me up and save me yet again.  Thank you for sending YOUR SON to be my savior and the savior of my son.  It had to have been difficult - I cannot imagine being asked to sacrifice my son for the sins of future generations.  YOU amaze me.  I love you GOD and I submit to you.  Thank you for protecting my son.  And thank you for allowing him to make some mistakes and allowing him opportunities to learn from them.  Whether or not he actually learns form them is up to him.

Amen

What a change some time makes...

It was a mere six months ago (give or take) that the Hubs decided - while I was in the hospital and could not share a lucid opinion , thank you very much - that he would turn off our satellite.  We tried to get a converter box and rabbit ears - but alas, it was a bit too complicated for my taste so back it all went and there we were stuck without TV.  Now I must confess, at the place where I work, we have two T.V.s and they are tuned to news shows such as CNN and FOX News all of the time, so I do get a fair amout of screen time, just not the kind that I did before.  I find that even though I am television-less, it is really only a pain when someone askes me if I have seen a recent commercial or show or something.  Then, invariably they will roll their eyes and say, "Never mind, you dont HAVE television..." and keep right on with their conversation.  Sometimes I feel a bit left out, but mostly it is pretty irrelivant to me. I have something that many of the TV watchers do not have, I have time.  And having time means that I can make changes because I have time to do so.  In recent weeks and months...  ok well since the middle of January anyway...  I have been on a de-cluttering mission.  Let me tell you, it is really sad when you have gotten rid of several trashcans full of garbage, several car loads to the good will, and much to the recycle bin, and yet it still does not look like you even made a dent in it...  Oh but I have learned to train my eye to see what the regular person will not...  I see that I have emptied at least  or six or seven tubs of crap that lined the wall of my garage, so now instead of a "Wall-O-Tubs" filled with all kinds of unnecessary stuff, I now have a column of empty tubs, nested one inside the other...  and I can now see passed the clutter that has made itself at home in my home and can start to get to the bottom of it and get it gone from my home.  It seems that where I once had blinders on - now I can see full spectrum...  please do not get me wrong, my house is still a wreck, but that is because we are working toward some other missions to get rid of clutter.  Each box I go through is carefully scrutinized and if I find anything that I think I want to keep - it must find a home immediately.  Then if I cannot find a good home for it I must get rid of it.  I keep coming across photos...  Blessed memories that I cherish, but you would not know it the way I have treated these photos just throwing them in boxes and not even labeling them.  So the Hubs and I are systematically scanning all photos into soft copy so that if anything ever were to happen, the waterheater goes KA-BLAM or the house were to meet an untimely demise, our belongings might be gone but the proof of our memories live on in cyberspace.  I am so excited about this I just cannot even say.  It is nice to know, plus it is giving me an opportunity to get all of these photos into photo boxes, and label them while I still remember when they are from... 

I have also had to come to terms with much of my crap...  I have moved so many times - probably some where around 12 in all in my adult life and I realized that I have moved so much crap from one place to another, when it should have been given to good will or even thrown away.  The Hubs and I have a financial plan that, if worked properly, will allow us to purchase a home of our own in a few years.  We have talked about where we want to be and have seriously talked about down-sizing to a "retirement" sized home a little early...  like a condo.  No mowing, and less home to clean!  This means I have to stay focused so that we will have as much of this crap gone as possible and only move things we absolutely LOVE into where ever we go...  I love this plan.  Slowly I will get there, but I have also learned it is an on-going process to keep the clutter at bay.  This will take us some time, but like I said we have lots of that, and what a change some time makes...

God in the... EVERYTHING

Tonight I sit here, after spending a few hours in fellowship with our LifeGroup from church, being so incredibly thankful for everything that God has given me and my family.  We (my LifeGroup) are going through some big things, and I know that God has His hand on it all.  We have so many health concerns, and life concerns, and death and questions...  God is there through it all.  I am wondering what his plan is.  I wonder when we will all get healthy as a group, and when this season will be over.  The one thing I do not worry about, however, is His presence through it all.  I wonder if the reason our group is being burdened with all of this is maybe because we have ticked off satan and he is trying to get in the middle of our joy...  not really sure, but I know one thing with as much surity as if it were the nose on my face - I am not going to let anything, and I do mean anything, get in the way of my love of Christ, or my relationship with HIM.  I will continue to lean into HIM and pray that my LifeGroupies will continue to lean into HIM as well - until we are collectively passed this season of health woes and fragilities.  My GOD is bigger than all of this, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE HAS THIS.  And what is even better, is that all of my LifeGroupies KNOW THIS TOO!

God is so good...  all the time...   without fail....  HIS timing is perfect...  HIS love is perfect...  and we are made perfect in HIS eyes. 

I will just continue to lift up my LifeGroupies in prayer and continue to ask God to give me opportunities to love on each of them.  They are my family.  They are HIS family.

AMEN!

God in the Attitude

The Christmas season is upon us.  I am so excited this year.  I was in a fog the last couple of years due to many personal and health reasons.  But this year I feel re-connected to the true reason for the season.  I am not sure what the reason is - but I know God is behind it. I have struggled with my health for the last several months - well even for the last several years if I am completely honest.  For those reasons and probably many others - it was just hard to get into the spirit.  Usually I am such a Christmasy person that I tend to make others a little nauseated... but I think I finally have found my balance.  I think that some of the worldly things that have made a difference are NO TELEVISION - yes that is what I said...  NO TV.  The hubs turned it off while I was in the hospital and we were not able to figure out the rabbit ears and converter box thing...  so only DVD's.  Since I am not really a movie person - and all of my cooking shows and the like are not available to me any more - I am really getting things done.  I think this is why I am feeling so much better - less distractions and less opportunities to tune out of life.  I will say however this is all GOD.  HE is in control and I needed to get back to basics to HE helped my hubby to be able to take us there.  This year will be a great one.  Not too many things have changed in my circumstance - but so many in my attitude of gratitude.